Hope
Trusting God feels good. I lived my life frustrated with God for not doing what I thought He should for enough years to know that hopelessness sucks. It can quite literally be toxic or even fatal. It does NOT work for me. Clinging to my faith in Jesus gives me a perspective--even if it's a foggy perspective--that can be a source of soothing and purpose.
Strength
When I say "I can't do this," to a heart-wrenching, impossible situation, it's an accurate statement. I can only get through hell by accessing a Source of strength, ability, wisdom and understanding way greater than me.
Intimacy
Job said he knew God more intimately after suffering unimaginable losses (Job 42:5). I’m increasingly grateful for how God tears down the things I put my trust in besides Him. He truly is a jealous God that shows me how unreliable other things in my life are in order to draw me closer to Him, my only firm Foundation.
Resilience
I've learned things and grown in a way that may have only come from walking with God through my personal hell. Hardship painfully carved out a new version of me that I really like, a new version better equipped to handle the next transformation.
Courage
Looking back at how God brought me through terrible times in the past is something I hold onto (by a string, sometimes) when I'm confused or in agony. It gives me a confidence for the future.
Empathy
I trust God because I recognize my actions affect others. The first and foremost example is my son: when we got Kai's spina bifida diagnosis in utero, it was earth-shaking for me, especially so close to Mav's death. In processing the news, I asked myself "If I was Kai, how would I want my parents to respond to this?"
I believe "more is caught than taught," in all relationships.
Here's a post about what this looks like for me.
